How To Get Rid of Unwelcome House Guests

At some point or another, you will have to deal with unwelcome house guests.  Whether it’s someone who has shown up unannounced or a guest who just won’t leave.  It happens to all of us.

Here’s what to do if you find yourself in this precarious situation.

Get On the Same Page

If you live with someone, make sure you and your partner or roommate are on the same page. 

You don’t want to be the one making up excuses trying to encourage guests to leave and your husband is telling them it’s okay to stay the night.

So, have a discreet sidebar and get on the same page about bringing the visit of your unwelcome house guest to an end.

If you skip this step you risk sending mixed signals to your guest.

How To Get Rid of Unwelcome House Guests

There are two types of unwelcome house guests. 

First, there is the uninvited guest who pops up at your door unannounced claiming they were “just in the area”.

Or, there’s the guest who has piggybacked on the invitation of another.

Second, there’s the guest whom you invited that just won’t leave.

Both of these are delicate situations and there are direct and indirect approaches to remedy each.

Personally, I favor a direct approach.  This stops people from becoming recurring uninvited guests.

However, I understand that not everyone is comfortable with simply asking someone to leave their home point blank.

If this is you, I’ve provided some gentler, indirect methods for getting rid of unwelcome house guests.

Let’s get into it.

Type 1 – The Drop-In Uninvited Guest

A friend, cousin, aunt, uncle, or some other acquaintance happens to be in town and shows up at your door.

And while you were gracious enough to invite them in and sit awhile, you have other things you planned to do with your day.

This is a sticky situation. However, there are a few things you can do to make their exit from your home smooth and somewhat swift.

1. Don’t get too comfortable. Avoid bringing your uninvited guest into the main area of the home if you can. That means use the front office, formal sitting room, or kitchen table/counter to converse. If you seat someone in the living room, the next thing you know you’re offering them snacks and they’re taking off their shoes.
2. Offer water. Only water.
3. Suggest another time to get together that’s convenient for you. This will let them know that their time visiting with you today is limited.

Type 2 – The Invited Guest Who Has Lingered Too Long

Direct approach

Start by giving them a time warning and thank them for stopping by.  Say something like “thanks for stopping by” or “thanks for thinking of us.  I have some things that I need to take care of soon.  What do you have planned for the rest of your day?”

The question part of this approach is important. 

You want to redirect that person’s attention away from you and onto what they’re going to do outside of your home.

If they say they have nothing to do, give them a suggestion.  Any suggestion.  A movie you recommend, a restaurant nearby, a website to check out, a park.  Anything that encourages them to spend their time away from your home.

If it’s the evening it’s even easier. Just let them know that you need to call it a night and ask what they have planned for the weekend.

After 5 minutes tell them “It was good catching up with you.  Let me get the door for you.”  Then, stand up, exit the room and head for the door.  Grab their coat, bag, or anything they may have brought with them and bring it to the door.

Do not linger in the room waiting for them to stand.  An overly chatty person probably won’t pick up on this subtle social cue.

Walk to the front door leaving them in the room alone if need be.  I know that sounds cold, but it works. They will follow.  It’s incredibly awkward for them otherwise.

An indirect approach

There are a couple of indirect approaches you can take to encourage someone to leave.  

The first is chores. 

Let the person know you have some things that you need to get done. Then, start doing chores. Things like vacuuming, mopping the floor and putting away laundry.  Anything that gets you moving around and unable to engage in conversation are best.

While some may suggest asking your unwelcome house guests to do chores in hopes that they won’t want to and will just leave, this may backfire on you.

You’re engaging them in a shared activity.  If the person is lonely and looking for company, they won’t be deterred by chores.

The second indirect approach is to let them know that you have a commitment and will be leaving the house shortly. 

Avoid sharing too many details as they may attempt to persuade you to take them with you. 

Much like the direct approach, give them a time warning and then remind them that you have to get going. 

Put on your shoes if you have to. 

Then, give them a gentle reminder that they should call ahead next time so you can plan to spend more time together as you see them out the door.

Note: I don’t recommend making up random excuses. Your guest will think it’s just a coincidence or bad timing and won’t change their behavior. Instead, you’ll find yourself having to make up a new excuse next time.

Type 3 – The Uninvited Guest Who Shows Up with An Invited Guest

Here’s another delicate situation.  If an invited guest brings an uninvited guest with them, what do you do?

While many of us will just say “the more the merrier”, there may be instances where this just won’t work, especially if the uninvited guest is a stranger to the group. 

You may have made surprise plans for your party like a private wine tasting, or admission to an event where you have pre-paid for your guests. 

In this case, an extra person may be a big problem.

Or, you may have wanted to reveal some private news to your close friends/family and were using that gathering to tell them.

Whatever the reason, here’s how you handle this situation.

Direct approach

Approach your invited guest privately and explain the situation.  If it’s a dinner party, invite them to stay for the appetizer hour only, or to come back for cocktails later.  But that dinner is reserved for your invited guests.

The alternative to the direct approach in this situation is to simply give them a pass.

There isn’t really an indirect approach to kicking out only 1 or 2 guests.  Especially when you’re obviously home and hosting a group of people.

The More the Merrier – Accepting Unwelcome House Guests

Make adjustments to your dinner arrangements if needed.  But be sure to pull your invited guest aside or call them the next day to express your concern about having surprise visitors. 

Ask them to let you know in advance next time if they intend to bring a guest.

With this approach, you’re giving them a pass but also putting them on notice so they don’t repeat that behavior in the future.

Type 4 – The Overnight Guest Who Keeps Adding Days to Their Stay

No one likes a freeloader and no one wants to be thrown off of their daily routine for an undetermined amount of time.

This is by far the most debated topic I have ever crowd-sourced answers for in my life.

Now, before I offer suggestions, I’m telling you now, that this has never happened to me. So take this advice with a grain of salt.

The Direct Approach

Let them know that it was nice having them visit but that you need can only host them one more night.

If they’re an out-of-town guest give them a few local hotel options.

In the morning ask them if they need a ride anywhere. Do this to remind them that will not be returning to your home for another night.

If you’re feeling really bold, help carry their things to the door.

The Indirect Approach

I asked friends and relatives what they would do in this situation and general consensus was to make it as uncomfortable for the unwelcome house guests as possible.

So here’s a list of things you can do to make your guest so uncomfortable that they leave.

1. Stop feeding them & stop eating meals together
2. Strip the sheets and bedding
3. Stop refilling toilet paper in the bathroom
4. Change the wifi password
5. Revoke key privileges. Make them wait for you to get into the house.
6. Go back to your normal routine. Stop tip-toeing around in fear of waking your guest.
7. Ask them for money to chip in for expenses
8. If you moved things out of the guest room to make space for them, move them back

Type 5 – The Party Guest Who Just Won’t Leave

At the end of a long evening of laughing, eating, and carrying on the last man standing is usually a close friend or family member.

They’re usually eager to help you clean up and get your house back in order.

In this case, you probably won’t mind.

But what if you’re busy gathering up the trash and sweeping the floor and a guest is just relaxing on your sofa with a drink in their hand still chatting away?

These types of unwelcome house guests can be a real annoyance. Here’s how to usher them out graciously.

The Indirect Approach

Start by asking them to help out. Make sure you give them a hard job. A “can you help me move this sofa back in place” kind of job.

Next, thank them for coming and ask them if they brought anything with them (i.e. a coat, bag, platter).

If they still don’t get the hint that it’s time to go, move to the direct approach.

The Direct Approach

Let your unwelcome house guests know you’re tired and plan on finishing the clean-up in the morning. Thank them for coming and say “let me walk you out”. Then, start walking to the door.

 You can soften this exit by saying something like “let me give you a hug” or patting them on the shoulder.

Then, walk outside with them but keep your distance from their car if you’re worried they’ll draw you back into a conversation.

Wave goodbye and head back to your door.

Conclusion

Unwelcome house guests can be a hassle, but now you know how to get them out when you need to graciously.

Here are a few other posts you may like:

• How To Make Someone Feel Comfortable In Your Home
• What To Put In A Guest Room Basket
• Why Is Having Overnight Guests So Stressful?

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